May 30th, 2008
|10:57 pm - Flaming Tetherball!|
I'm entering an era where my projects are recorded and broadcast by other people!
December 13th, 2007
Go to flickr and search, "deadletter"
|09:30 am - Pirate Mail for the winter!|
Deadletter is a project year round, with a (sometimes) presence at BRC. In October of 2005, we went to Berkeley and posted signs of ourselves all over campus - and the campus slowly noticed, was mystified by, and discussed our presence there. We slowly made our presence more 'understandable', and by the end it was all about Pirate Mail Pirate Mail Pirate Mail.
This month we announced on the UCBerkeley livejournal community that we'd be coming back, and a number of people have posted their pirate mail addresses and want MAIL!
The thread can be found at: http://community.livejournal.com/ucberkeley/2762935.html
We'll be going down in the second week of January, and we need mail to these people! Now, this begs the question of, how do we _get_ the mail from you, to give out. Well, first, could you write it right away? Then, we'll need to figure out how to get it to it's location. We could use USPS mailing address in PDX, and we could take it to Berkeley and pass it around. Or, I can see if the people in Berkeley wantsto be 'point' for collecting mail for strangers and then reading it, editing it, and passing it around. Or you could pirate mail it to UCBerkeley, and it will get there... whenever it gets there!
Some of the interesting people we've been given to write to:
Drinking Arizona green tea, getting banned from RSF, busting a move
write about: steroids
LJ ANONYMOUS CONFESSIONS, RECREATIONAL SPORTS FACILITY
WRITE ABOUT: WWW.YOUTUBE.COM/PLUMPKINFACE
most muslim people on campus would know someone who knows me
Woman in science, playing Zelda
Write about: stars
chick with colorful hair wandering Wheeler's halls
Write about: is it mooses, moosi or meese AND bands
Dee Dices, Shay-D, The Yellow Bruce Willis, Big D-Ill, D-Wreck
Ridge House or The Oakland 42nd Street Rap All Stars Crew
Dept: Political Science, Major: Poli Sci, Area: Political Economy, Curb Serving, and the finer things on The Fine List
write about: whiskey, politics, trees, or the vampire squid (Vampyroteuthis infernalis)
Is a PA in dorms
Write about: post graduation plans, jobs, graduate programs, how to get a life, and solutions for my complete lack of post-college plans.
the dwinelle outskirts, erryday in the afternoony am
premed + italian studies woo
pirates, ochem, the violin, speaking other languages, mountain dew code red
ΦΔϘ (theta delta?)
Hiding in the corner with the drafty windows and the pile of empty bottles
Earth and Planetary Science
Tell me about your mother.
Riding a pink and blue hoopty fixed gear bike.
Interdisciplinary Studies/Middle Eastern Studies
Misty aka RhiannonStone
Often found in the Linguistics lounge, SLUgS meetings, or anywhere else Cal's Ling majors gather (so basically Dwinelle)
How do you feel about Dr Pepper?
History & Linguistics
[ write me about: your favorite wikipedia article/adventure ]
The Dwinelle Benches, Squelch
[ write me about: hot new indie bands, long walks on the beach, and why/why not you want to go to australia ]
Responsible for that Cookie Thing on Sproul
Write about: Cookies!
Help us write mail! Write it, then we'll collect it (by pirate mail) and take it down to Berkeley!
Dead Letter: You've Got A Friend In Noise
|08:01 am - Thursday, to do...|
1) I'm up! last night I went to Devil's Point to see Cricket perform - I'd never actually caught her show. Stripper bars don't really 'do' it for me, though I know she likes to have someone she knows in the audience. Then I rode the moped all the way up into the NE, and stayed at Georgia's. We went to a bar at 10th and Alberta and had one (1) $2 PBR. Birdie texted me saying she wasn't sure about Saturday. I texted back that I was in a loud place and could she call me in 20 min? I called her 35 min later and she was on the phone with her mom. She called me 15 min later and we talked about plans for the weekend. I think we settled on a) she is going out Friday night. b) might come over super late to crash, c) leave first thing in the morning (CRACK of dawn) to drive to Hood. d) half-day on the mountain is better for little boys and us, e) come back, f) she's going out Saturday night. Maybe Ari and I will crash Santacon II?
2) I'm at Jefferson High School on Killingsworth. I have a 2 hour prep to start the day. I managed to crack the login on this computer, and so can browse the internets for 2 hours. I have two classes to teach, one small, one larger. This is only the third day I've taught for the school district this entire _quarter_.
3) Might meet up with Jen, from Santacon, to get the radio and discuss film projects.
4) Eric is buying materials, and we are BUILDING THAT WALL tonight in the ceramics studio. This is one of the those lingering tasks that, when done, will leave EVERYONE heaving a sigh of relief. Darrus can be warmer. The shelving units can spread out. The carpets will stop being accessible. The aescetics of both the ceramic studio and the front will be better. We c an seal in the carpets with a fabric front. And then I will ride the moped back up to Georgia's so I can teach at ITT first thing in the morning.
December 12th, 2007
|12:31 pm - Wednesday, things to do...|
Today I got up very excited to swap doors. It turned out that the doors have different hinge locations, so we swapped the hardware for one of them.
Then we went up to the roof and put an inline meter for Balem's gas use! And that was so exciting that I purchased three more for $250 from the manufacturer. Sam will get one, and then Leo, and then maybe the north hallway. People can heat the building all they want if they are willing to pay for it!
Then we went to Atlasta and purchased another lock for the West door to Milwaukie, so tenants will be able to come in that door with their 'back door' key. And since we're now not swapping the two doors across, now I can heatproof them all.
I think Zane is coming by with a new pepcock (I think?) and then I will be able to ride the scooter! FREEDOM! I have been without a vehicle for so long in this town, because I have all my money in the project and therefore haven't been able to fix my car or my tickets or anything. I wonder if my license is suspended?
I have Ari this weekend and I think we're going to the mountain! Yay!
December 11th, 2007
|09:46 pm - Tuesday, a productive day...|
Today I woke up dreaming that we had a second building/property/structure, which was a no walls no roof steel structure about twice as tall as our current one. Some simple fabric walls and we had a place for giant construction projects! The main room was tiny by comparison. I woke up with this metaviral node completed:
What is the difference between and Event and a Process?
Packard came by and we signed his lease and talked about his space. We need to get his berm done for water prevention!
Around 11am, I called Zane about the moped (not working at 12th and Hawthorne) and Veranda called to say she was coming over. Veranda arrived and we went to pick up the bike. Cold outside! We went back to the building and Zane took the bike apart while I and Veranda worked on the heater in the metal shop. We got it hung, worked out ventilation stack connections, and installed a new thermostat.
Did I mention? I worked on the internet all day. I think that our very-expensive-router has never been functioning properly. I think I eventually got the north router down as our main router. JHVH1 has finally supplanted Bob, in the endless rotation of the Church of the Subgeniuz.
Zane and I (mostly Zane) put the bike back together, painting the muffler with high-temp silver, and the rear-wheel regular chrome. I need a new pep-cock tomorrow, and then I will have The Freedom! I _really_ liked having a moped to ride (for an hour). And then Sam came back from Salem, and we were able to go around and turn on all of the north-end heaters. The metal shop now has heat! And the north hallway has heat. And sam's space has heat. So phew! We won't let the building freeze and explode the pipes.
Leo Starfucker says that the PORFAG crew wants to watch queer movies next week, so I texted Birdie to say that we would not be watching The Life Aquatic as promised. She texted back inviting Ari and I to the mountain on Saturday. I'm going Snowboarding! Woot!
And in sad news - the harddrive isn't powering up. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, is on the harddrive, including my new mixed cd I've been making. It's the fruition of nearly 8 months of emotion, beginning when Edie dumped me and carrying through the summer and culminating this week.
December 10th, 2007
|04:19 pm - Edie Rocks!|
I don't normally cut text for you wankers EVER however this chat session is a little long...
EDITED - by popular demand (who the fuck are these people) I have uncut the lj. Partially cause I really have an ethical/philosophical objection to parsing or otherwise 'doing the work' for potential listeners. Perhaps I was acting out of my own fear of Jadene's feelings if the document were straight out on my lj friend's pages? And then she's the first post! So here you go.
12:45 PM me: I'm online now
Edie: gee. information without content?
12:46 PM i just commented on your journal entry.
me: oh good. What did you think?
Edie: well, read it and you'll find out!
1:35 PM Edie: whoa dude. i just looked at Jadene's blog from today. whoa. It's a little um.. muddled. not sure what it's all about.
1:42 PM Edie: thought you weren't going to show her that post. but then that's when you weren't going anywhere near her for a long time.
1:59 PM me: what post? i showed her no post... perhaps she read it through someone else with access?
2:00 PM uh oh... I have to go look now. Will I be surprised?
2:01 PM Edie: she said that she's ready to look at the post you made after thanksgiving, that she made a livejournal account so she could, but I don't think she figured out how to see it yet. you mean you have to go look at hers now?
2:02 PM surprised at what?
2:03 PM me: Ok, that's actually pretty good.
2:04 PM Some slight whatevs, and I wouldn't want my reputation to be 'falling into women's laps so easily', and still, it can't hurt to have that reputation.
Edie: how is she convinced she's so in love with you after knowing you for mere weeks? Does she think she knows you? Or she knows she doesn't and loves you blindly?
me: I'll work on it with a 'public declaration re: dating" in my blog soon.
Edie: well that's kind of the same as my comments!
2:05 PM me: I think she's working on the whole, "my love is mine to give, and comes from me" angle. I don't think her love for me has to be 'knowing me well enough' or anything.
Edie: did it seem all muddly and confusing to you? Or is it just because I don't know the context as well?
me: It's a gift, from her, and she wants me to know that.
It's clearer for me cause I was there on Friday when we all thought she was drunk.
2:06 PM Edie: she can't let it go. She feels a need to declare her love for you. I can't even imagine feeling such a thing after a couple of weeks of knowing someone. That's me though.
me: Well, and if you had, you would have gotten pushed away, too.
Remember how gleeful you were when I told you that I was 'in' love with you and you pounced all over it?
2:07 PM I let you catch that... :)
Edie: what's she getting back on the horse again? what does that mean? is it starting all over again? I can't tell if she's relieved or frustrated or what.
me: Cause if I had expressed that kind of feeling towards you, it would have frightened you off.
She says she's back 'in like' with me.
so I think she's relieved - _or at least writing the story publicly that she's relieved_.
which is good enough.
2:08 PM Edie: it sounds like both to me. Like in some ways she's relieved, and still very distraught and confused.
2:09 PM me: hold on, I can't quite give this all my attention. I am trying to fix all my music files and my ipod library into one cohesive lovely thing!
2:49 PM me: so I was thinking about it, and Jadene's comments are NOT similar to yours, in that she refers to me getting into girls 'laps' rather than you, who refer to the 'closeness'.
Her version of me threatens everything I have built up so far.
If I am viewed as an unethical slut, I'm fucked.
2:51 PM Edie: I think her comments were a little more light-hearted than that. At least on paper. I think everyone already knows you pride yourself on being ethical, and they certainly already know you're a slut. Here's what I had written before you went off to work on your ipod.. not to change the subject but so I don't lose it... I guess what floors me is how much has happened in such a short time. In the span of just over two months, she fell in love with you, and you with her, apparently, then she broke up with you, but not really, just kidding, and then you pushed her away and she was hurt, and both of you said that sucked and we won't do that again, and then you started speaking "professionally" and now she is upset because she "still loves you" (still, after all these DAYS) and doesn't know what she should do about it. Sheesh. Talk about a whirlwind. In two months, I would have barely made eye contact with a potential love interest. The only reason you were different is that we were talking online, which is much much easier for me. And that still took a month and a half for any sort of physical contact to happen.
2:52 PM me: Where do you get off saying, "and I with her?"
Edie: in her mind. She's said it out loud, and you haven't refuted it, so in one reality at least, it's true.
2:53 PM me: I would have refuted it anywhere i saw it. Perhaps this is the difference between 'in love' and 'love'?
I was never in love with Jadene - never got a chance to... never said it, never saw it to refute.
As for love, I certainly feel Love for Jadene, and many others. Growth over happiness, and all that.
Edie: yes, and the two get used interchangeably a lot. I can tell by the way she speaks about it she's referring to the "in." and you may have never said that explicitly, and I think she still believes it.
2:54 PM me: I explicitly told her that i wasn't in love with her, that I wouldn't even know how to be.
and they aren't interchangeable, and people recognize the difference between the two.
2:55 PM Edie: yep. I hear ya. I'm saying I hear in her tone something much more deep rooted in her supposed "love" for you than in the way you speak of yours for her.
me: I'm merely a placeholder for the true object of her affections... which is Jadene.
2:56 PM Fuckin a. I knew to be careful during 'symbols' year... should have played the 'lonely martyr' card all year.
Now I'm going to have to destroy Jadene simply to put a different spin on this situation.
sucks to be her.
Edie: i think i just figured it out. she's not in love with you, she's obsessed with you.
2:57 PM does she obsess over things in general?
Edie: that's it then.
me: Eric been commenting on it. He said, "I think Jadene might be worse than Noizemaker"
which, as we know, is certainly saying a LOT.
Edie: the silent killer
me: From that frame, you could say that the reason we didn't work out is that I couldn't get her to divert her obsession into 'service for others'.
2:58 PM I'm only good to obsess over the first times you meet me. Nice place to visit. You wouldn't want to live here.
Edie: it makes me worry about her alot, since it's been a pattern in her past.
me: Well, it's 'coming to a head' for her.
She'll have one chance to face it and grip it, and it's coming.
Edie: eww creepy. Michael White said that about you one time and I haven't liked him since.
me: said which?
2:59 PM Nice place to visit, you wouldn't want to live here?
Edie: sorry, too slow, yeah that's it.
me: Well, forgive him, cause I intentionally put that version of me in his head.
I push harder on people from different cities, cause I need them to mark me from a distance.
Did he literally use that phrase?
3:00 PM I'm going to go make oatmeal and type on the other computer. If I have any other major insights, I'll let you know.
3:01 PM Edie: exactly word for word.
3:24 PM me: Hey - got another sec?
3:26 PM Edie: yah.
3:37 PM "regret losing what is to me a wonderful romance."
We never had a wonderful romance.
3:38 PM She was so distraught about so many little things, we didn't get a chance to relate_, much less _romance
I still feel I had better destroy her to make a point. :P
3:42 PM Edie: yes it is so idealized in her head. that's what i didn't get either, where did the time for all this soul searching come from?
I don't like destruction though.
3:44 PM if you destroy her, the image of the romance will still be there, and you will be the villain, and she'll once again get to play victim.
3:45 PM me: Well, I'm sort of being facetious.
3:46 PM And as for your question to me... remember, I'm super shiny and exciting to most people when they first meet me, and then I have to push them away with a sharp stick in order to not get clogged up with people wanting things from me.
Cause my very gift lies along my ability to map together incredibly disparate networks as if they had been joined all along.
And thus I am great point-of-contact for a group-that-is-not-your-own.
3:47 PM And seem shiny and interesting (when of course it's the network I'm fronting for that is shiny and interesting).
And every once in awhile, I like to peel off a person for myself who can be meta to me, to keep me sane, fed, happy, touched, etc...
And I'm looking, straight up, for people who want to give to me so I can give to others.
3:48 PM The moment they start counting against me how much I 'take' (which apparently means they didn't give it), it's time for me to hit the road.
Edie: gift economy.
me: This whole episode with Jadene has helped me really clarify that I'm here to do a project, the very basis of which is instantiated in my own 'friend' network - my social sphere IS my work sphere.
3:49 PM Edie: that would be a good blog entry - relating the gift economy concept to relationships.
me: And in the next city, the people who think I'm such a lovable asshole (eric, tori, etc) will be shocked, I think, at how much I play the 'nice' guy.
So my thing with Birdie is on the verge of becoming the norm. That my explicit declaration is that I'm here to tempt away your women, and then not sleep with them.
3:50 PM By being faster, cuter, smarter, bigger, more resolved, more ethical, more dedicated...
And every time I take it for myself, the WHOLE project is threatened.
So no, not becoming more human at all, thanks very much.
3:51 PM Edie: quick - how many square feet in 3.5" x 7.5"?
3:52 PM me: how exact do you want?
3:53 PM Edie: square FEET? no.
4x8 would be 32
3x7 would be 21
Oh, that's inches?
me: Ok, divide by 144
Edie: divide the sum by 144?
3:54 PM .076 sf
.182 sq ft
me: yeah, .182 sq ft
Edie: 3.5 + 7.5 =11
3:55 PM me: why would you add them? They are length x width!
me: that's where you get square feet.
Edie: oh. i don't know. that's why I'm asking you.
me: AREA = LENGTH X WIDTH
26.25/144 = .1823
3:56 PM = 3.5/12 X 7.5/12
Edie: good i'm writing that in my notebook. i can do easy ones like 6" by 36" 'cause that makes sense to me but smaller than a foot I get confused.
|12:34 pm - Monday, to do...|
I have a lot to do today, and most I have to do remotely.
1) Call Comcast - what's up with our internets? It's paid!
2) Schedule possible campout at Bagby with trailer for days before xmas with Edie?
3) File 1023
4) Hook up heat in metal shop
5) file tax abatement
6) cause trouble
7) teach at 6pm - late!
December 9th, 2007
|05:35 pm - The Part I Would Like To Talk About (birdie)|
The Part I Would Like To Talk About... (girls)
Katie texted me a couple of times - I haven't even seen Katie face-to-face more than 2 times this year. If you go way back in my Livejournal to the night that we went camping with the Deadletter Truck and Gabe slept in the rode and nearly got run over and the cops came and Lara and Ted met deadletter for the first time and Lapis was there and Shawn and all sorts of craziness - well, we met Katie because it was her going away campout that we were attempting to crash, and then she and I hung out for a few days. We got together once, and then she was off to South America. When she returned she had a boyfriend, and the nature of our relationship wasn't like that anyway. We chat on gmail (a lot this week) - mostly about the nature of the human psyche and how not to get too drawn into one's client's issues (she's a counselor).
When she finally found me outside of Solo late at night, she kissed me hello, and we made out later back in the other part of downtown. That was fun! If I hadn't met Birdie, perhaps I would have gone home with Katie and had our second encounter...
And then I met Birdie. First, examine Birdie in a network context - she works for the city in a transportation capacity (yum!) knows Handsome Dave, other ZBers - knows Carl Larson. She knows Kevee, K8, doesn't know Tucker, knows Tzara, MonkeyPuzzle...
Come to think of it, all of those people (and I did tell her this) are going to give her a lot of warnings about me if/when she bring me up...
Now, on a connections level, we totally geeked out about the metavirus, for about an hour straight in a crowded bar filled with Santas, with Handsome Dave and her friend Chop and other people we knew trying to get our attention and failing. I asked her early on if she wanted to make out, and she said, 'no'.
On a symbols level, she's smart, fun, beautiful, dances - I liked who I was hanging out with her. Like Edie, her natural interpretation of me and the metavirus makes the metavirus something relatively kind and pleasant. My "you can't trust me speech" was interpreted as, "thanks, awesome, I understand that you feel you need a warning label" in a positive (and well-communicated way) without going into a total feedback loop, mistaking that which I say (which is intentionally alarmist) with what I am doing, which it takes some time to discern the quantity and extent of energy I will put into someone/something _if_ I feel like it.
Analysis level - she's not available. She has a long-distance thing fucking with her head in Toronto, and not a new thing either. It's a long-distance thing involving a lot of _flying_ to Toronto and seeing each other and burning man. and so, despite our intense attraction and having a really good time, we choose not to kiss even once, the whole time we hung out. Which was about 20 hours straight.
Came back the Shed. Her friend Chop came to check out the space and we sat in front of the fire and talked until about 2am. At 3:30am she and I retired to my bed and... cuddled! I felt as if a part of me was channeling Helen Hunt and Greg Kinnear in "As Good As It Gets". In the morning we slept in, played hooky, and went to breakfast at Fat Albert's. After lunch, we came back to the building and she lay on the couch while I cleaned the living room. Then we cuddled for another hour - still not kissing!
Synthesis - we certainly had a disproportionate response to each other - and while it is 'crush' material, I'm not entirely crushing out (perhaps cause she'd have to a) break up with her longterm boyfriend and then b) be DONE grieving for that relationship) before we'd have any 'thing' and c) I'm totally unavailable as a human being anyway.)
I think I'll here from her at least once or twice before 2008, and she's going to Toronto for xmas (12/21) and NYE, so mostly I think I gained one of those 'instant close' people that I could really use. And not kissing was the pathway to having that closeness, cause otherwise we would have crossed a line where I'd be _in_ her relationship mess with Alan, and instead I'm more of a 'potential' relationship.
And given my recent unethical behavior with Jadene (allowing her to believe by dint of not working hard enough or being clear enough) that I could fit her expectations, or in allowing my interest/desire/hope with Jadene to have me leave my world (instead of forcing, by virtue of my 100% uncompromisingness, to have _all_ people come into _my_ world, or go away).
So this was nice. There were other aspects that Edie, you would really like:
1) Another awesome person who interprets the best in people, like you do
2) I like who I am near her
3) We actually danced _together_ (normally I'm unable to sync to another's body movement, making me clumsy)
4) She actually makes things happen in the world, for people other than herself (social service ethos)
5) Super beautiful eyes, smile, attitude.
And now she's gone for the day, the week, the month, and I feel good about that - I'll be as pleased if I hear _nothing_ for a couple of weeks. No offense on this Jadene - the daily stuff was really getting to me. I'm used to my hacks on people taking place over the course of several months, y'know?
With women these days...
Jadene - we've resolved our basic differences, aren't in a 'relationship' per se, I think she's working on accepting all that I have to give of my own volition rather than losing all of that in favor of specific demands/requests. We've been lovers once since the text-message breakup, and conversations about our relationship per se are still explicitly off-limits. I would be her lover again if I also had another person in my life in Portland, so that I wasn't hanging out with Jadene in a default manner, that prevents me from going out and networking my ass off.
Edie - is coming to visit over xmas break, perhaps? Actually, this isn't settled, datewise. We're doing better than ever, though in part because our relationship is so stable right now, there's very little to process or discuss in terms of each other. (so the _content_ of our lives is what we talk about, right now). This takes some of the urgency and closeness out of our relationship, I feel - even while feeling closer together than ever, the intensity of the relationship is definitely down a notch. And plus, with four years minimum before she would move to Portland, or wherever, there's definitely another lover on the horizon. In some ways I'm looking forward to that, in which I can then stop wondering 'how it's going to feel' and have it _actually_ feel a certain way. I also asked Edie if she wanted to get married about a year ago, and she said, 'no'. I bring this up because I see that we're settling into a stable state where our connection to each other is the background, the default, the context against which other relationships we have our set. So I predict that the next few years will involve each of us having some relatively serious 'other relationships' (the way I think I thought Jadene and I had the potential to be). A few months ago I was all for us being with each other, even long distance for awhile, and now, I don't think there's really a pathway for that to happen. And I won't bang my head against the same tree too many times before looking for another tree.
Birdie - super fun, super cute, and super ethical! Which leaves us... nowhere. So maybe I have someone I feel super attracted to and super close to in 2008 to talk to.
Mattea Anderson - talked to her online today, and i think we're meeting to gossip about our lovers on Friday. And that's basically our role, I think.
Katie N - I made out with Katie last night and... that's probably about it. I think she's feeling bad about things, and so it's best if I stay one layer removed on her life.
Laura Buchan - Laura and I started to be close again when I called her and we went to Karaoke (the night I felt displaced at Jadene's house) and yet our attempts to even sleep over have been blocked by communication and transportation issues. So now the drive towards reconfirming our closeness has tapered down a little.
Georgia - I asked Georgia about our lover/not lover status, and she reminded me that we don't sleep together because neither of us is that into the sex. Good answer!
|03:59 pm - SANTA!|
For a jewish boy with a long history of xmas trauma (I try not to even SAY xmas) - I had a great time. The entire thing was _literally_ the most fun I've had in the year of 2007. Mostly cause I so rarely do 'fun'.
This had all my favorite elements
1) Large number of people
2) large numbers of people on the move
3) In packs
4) who do not necessarily know each other (yet)
5) with alcohol
7) Party in the box
8) Work to do
I met and networked with a fair handful of people, as well as being seen and recognized (either as Deadletter or as Watershed, and in some cases Tool Shed) while in the act. I'm not going to recount my exact experiences for the bulk of the day (if you wanted a Santa experience, you could have gone, right?)
I will say laughing from the top of the bridge while the santas below attempted to smash the pinata with a giant stick of wood was really releasing for me, and I feel sane and happy as a result.